I faked an abortion last night.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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