You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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