it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
