Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You made out with two different species that night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
