that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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