your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
