Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
either way he was missing a nipple.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
