okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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