I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
third nipple confirmed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
