Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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