What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
