I wish I could punch you in the face.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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