I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
