you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
