im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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