my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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