dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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