I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
