I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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