I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
