Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
