Where did you get a picture of my penis
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
