I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
