I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
