Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
