omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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