apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
