My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
