...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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