I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
