I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
