Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
