is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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