while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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