I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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