How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
BRING THE BAGELS
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
