In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
