I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
