I want to have your abortion
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
