I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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