this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
