Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
