remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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