I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
