At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
