I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
