youre lurking in front of me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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