I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
