what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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