wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
