Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
