Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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