worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
