it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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