so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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