After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
