it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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