I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
