the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
