Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
