At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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