i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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